Today was the end of a chapter, and tomorrow starts a new one. Today is the day our house now goes from 5 children to four because today was the day we dropped Braeden off at the recruiters to start his new life. Tomorrow he flies to San Antonio to officially start BMT. It's been a long road getting to this day, but it finally came. Everyone wonders how we're doing, and I never really know how to respond to that. Have I cried? Nope.. Will I? Most likely some day when I'm alone in the house and wondering why he isn't stopping in to see me. Or at night around 11:00 when I'm still up and he's usually coming home from work. Or when I see Jorie sitting on the couch laughing at some video she found and he's not there for her to show. Like any other time a child leaves, we smile for their accomplishments and cheer them on, but we still always have our moments when something reminds us of what it was like when they were there. But for today, no tears, just joy, admiration and pride.
For those of you that know Braeden, just getting to this point was a huge accomplishment. He decided after school that he needed to make some changes, that he wasn't happy with where he was, or where he would be headed if he didn't do something. Well, he set his mind to it and he got working.. The gym became his second home, literally! I would see him get up earlier in the morning than he used to, have something to eat, and about 3 hours before he had to be to work he would be out the door heading to workout for a couple hours before starting his job. The transformation we have seen over the last 8-12 months has been amazing. Along with the physical changes of course came the mental just simply from the determination he had to reach his goal. Tomorrow when he is sworn in, he will already have won more than half the battle. I know BMT will be anything but easy, but he is prepared and I couldn't be more proud.
As I walked up our street tonight, and I saw the flag waving in the breeze, it meant more to me than it ever has. Everything has changed with the closing of this chapter, but like any other good book, I can't wait to read the next one, I know its going to be awesome. If you ever get a chance to read this Braeden, I am so incredibly proud of you, for the choice you made to serve, for everything you've done to get here, and for everything I know you'll become. Like you're sister who's gone before you, thank you for being an awesome example to your siblings.
While running on my hamster wheel this morning, a song came on my ipod that I haven't heard in ages. Probably a couple years to be honest. As memories flooded my head and heart, and tears ran down my face, I knew I would be blogging today. That slight nudging turned in to a full blown kick in the seat of the pants! You know what I mean, you've all felt it. How many, like me, though have, on more than one (in my case numerous) occasions ignored the said "nudge"?
The books I've been reading lately, along with messages we've been hearing at church are resounding with me more than they ever have before. I don't think it's the content itself, as I've "heard it all" before, but more the place I'm reaching in life. That place where you feel like you know there has to be more to this life, more than just the day to day, the place where you want to know you're making a difference, the place where the nudge has now become that kick! We were all put on this Earth for a purpose. I don't care if you believe yourself to be a Christian or not, it still holds true that there is a purpose for your life. I've been trying for a long time to figure out what mine is. I think for the past few years its been raising my kids. While I'm not perfect, and I have a long way to go (just ask my kids, they'll tell ya), I want to believe I've done a decent job. Tony and I have raised our kids to think outside the box, to not feel like you have to follow the traditional paths in life, but to really think about what's important, what you feel you are called to do, and plan your life around that.
This brings me to the song. For those of you that haven't figured it out, its the title of today's blog, Defying Gravity, from the musical Wicked. When our oldest daughter Drisana was graduating 4 years ago, we said this was kind of her signature song at the time. Graduating with distinguished honors, in the top 10 in her class, and not going on to college. You can imagine all the things we heard. One well meaning relative even said "What a waste of a good brain". My response, "what about her heart?". I'm not upset with this person in the least, she was only saying what she felt, and what she was raised to believe. As many of you know, Drisana went on to do mission work in Mexico and has since gotten married down there, and she and her husband, Eleazar are full time missionaries. She got it, the fact that there are so many people out there hurting, that just need to know someone cares, she got that its not all.about.me! So much I can learn from her. So very proud!
Recently, another child sat in class talking about what she wanted to do when she grew up, listed about 3 different things, and the teacher pointed out all the reasons why they wouldn't be good choices for her. Again, I truly am not upset with these people, everyone has a right to their opinions. However, it does make me incredibly sad that we tend to put ourselves, and everyone around us in to this neat and perfect little box, and end up conforming to the masses. More often than not, what ends up happening is we live with regrets in our life. Things we wish we had done, places we wish we had gone, and more importantly people we could and should have helped.
What keeps you awake at night, what things do you see in your dreams/nightmares that break your heart? I'm figuring mine out, but unfortunately, telling you is not on today's agenda. That will have to be saved for another day. All I know is I would rather die for a cause then die with regrets. I challenge you to at least think about it, and don't let anyone stop you. You WILL face adversity at every turn in your life, but how you handle it is what will make the difference.
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down
______________________________
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy my friend
Well, here we go again.. Its been almost 6 months since my last post, and when I read that one tonight I realized I was about to start this one out the same way, and with very close to the same message. I'm thinking I should have named my blog My Roller Coaster Ride Called Life! Wow... All I can say, is that I remember the sign that Mr. Allness had posted in his history room in High School; "those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it" Yikes, seems to be the story of my life lately. My post 6 months ago was basically about finding the path God has laid out for me and following it. Well, either I haven't figured it out, have wandered off course again, or just plain am ignoring him.. It's amazing how we allow all the detours in life to completely throw us off course and forget the things that are important.
It's been a whirlwind of a summer in the Driscoll household these last few months. I will spare you all the gory details, but in short we had a wedding in Mexico that had numerous issues all the way around it, the death of a very very beloved grandmother, have chosen to keep 3 of our kids home and do charter school, and the best friends we've known for years tell us they are moving away. All of these events have left me really questioning just about every area of my life. I spent so much time getting caught up in the day to day events, and the negativity that I struggled to see all the positive things in all of it. I had on ash colored glasses instead of rose. For someone who normally tries to see the positive, its been an extreme struggle and has left me with more questions than answers.
Tonight I watched Soul Surfer with my 2 middle children and was basically a mess before it even started. Knowing what it was about, and then even watching some of the previews for other movies just hit me to my core. Seeing a young girl, first off even LIVE through the accident, go on to persevere through everything and still have the strength and faith to go on. "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called to his purpose". Through her adversity, she knew that God still had a purpose for her and would somehow use her accident to reach others for Him. Why is our first reaction to be angry and upset that we go through struggles in life? No one ever said it would be easy. I needed the reminder tonight that its not all about me.. Its not about any of us singly, its about all of us together realizing the good that needs to shine out from all of us, to know that even when we struggle, something good WILL come out of it. Maybe not for us, and certainly NEVER in our timing. Its all up to Him, the one who sees all, hears all and knows all. Trust that he has a plan, and it will be fulfilled and thank Him for every opportunity, good or bad knowing that somehow, in some way it will work for good..
*sigh*. Where to begin. Since my first post, I have been hit with just about every emotion possible, jumbled thoughts, lying awake at night. All part of the ploy to keep me off balance.. I'm struggling with the events happening in our State right now on so many different levels. It makes me sad, angry, hurt, disappointed; the list goes on and on. Nobody wants to listen to anybody. Both sides feel they are absolutely right in their thinking and can't even look at another's point of view. The name calling, the mud slinging, the threats, its all so sad. And all for what purpose?? At the end of our lives how are we going to be looked at for our actions? I struggle with knowing how involved to get. When I take my last breath and enter in to eternity I want to know that I've been a good servant, I want my days to have counted, so where does this all come in to play? Jesus said there were times for battle and times for peace so how do you know when each time is? I feel like yet again I'm getting caught up in the urgent instead of the important. There are still starving children here and abroad, there are still homeless here and abroad how much does this matter?? And I know both sides will argue that it does matter. And don't get me wrong, it IS important, but where do we draw the line? I'm already seeing friendships hurt, lives being torn apart because of a political battle. Is it truly worth it?
Last night while I was lying in bed reading, my mind just going nonstop thinking about it all, I came across this sentence that of course hit me right between the eyes.. "Jesus is calling us to be willing to suffer anything and forsake everything for the sake of the gospel. His call is to love those who have cheated us in business; those who have spread nasty rumors about us; those who would kill us if they could; those who disagree with us politically, practically, and fundamentally. His call is to consider everything a loss for His sake. (emphasis mine) Eeeks, love is not a feeling I've had towards most of these people right now. How do you truly, unequivocally, love people even in times of disagreement, etc? I'm a work in progress. I'm truly trying.
Thankfully a few paragraphs later I was able to feel a little better. "He typically asks us to play an active role in the journey toward wholeness. He doesn't need our help but invites us to participate. Often this journey to freedom takes time, sometimes a very long time. And it takes perseverance. It takes participation on our part. We have to get on the treadmill and run--merely looking at the workout machine doesn't do a whole lot." So where does this leave me/us? I don't know. All I know is at the end of the day I need to focus on what is truly important in my life. I need to love everyone unconditionally even if we don't see eye to eye, and never do. We need to get back to basics and remember that a job, a disagreement, a political decision should not affect how we treat others. We need to be teaching our kids ALL areas of life and living.
So, tonight, tomorrow, and in the days to come I will be doing my best to walk the path lain out for me and try to unequivocally, unconditionally and wholeheartedly love people...
Well, here goes. My first shot at blogging. As I forewarned in my profile, I'm not a writer, and realize I probably never will be. Just hoping to talk about some life events I've gone through in hopes that it can maybe be of help to someone else. Even if for nothing more than a good laugh.
I think the main reason I've never started is fear. The constant fear of what people might think. The book I've been reading lately has really convicted me of this. "A life of following Christ requires relinquishing those fears when they do come. It means refusing to let your fears of what others think, your fears of rejection, keep you from pursuing the truth about the Holy Spirit and whatever else God is teaching you and calling you to." I know there are several times God has called me to do something and I've ignored Him. I don't want to do that anymore, no matter how uncomfortable that is. I had one chance recently that I followed through with and it was an amazing feeling. I believe this is my next step in overcoming that fear. So many people in my life, especially those from the past probably have no idea where I stand on anything. Sure, they know I go to church, they know I'm 'different' (whatever that means) but I've never really stood up for what I believe and how its changed my life.. No more hiding, no more excuses. This is me saying, God is number 1 in my life and I don't want that to ever change. No matter the hurts I've experienced, or the ones I know are sure to come in my future, I wouldn't be able to have made it through any of them without Him. So, whether anyone ever reads this, or any from here on out, its my step in moving on and moving forward with the life I desire.
So again, if you're interested, maybe we can enjoy the ride together and see where it takes us from here.
As I walked up our street tonight, and I saw the flag waving in the breeze, it meant more to me than it ever has. Everything has changed with the closing of this chapter, but like any other good book, I can't wait to read the next one, I know its going to be awesome. If you ever get a chance to read this Braeden, I am so incredibly proud of you, for the choice you made to serve, for everything you've done to get here, and for everything I know you'll become. Like you're sister who's gone before you, thank you for being an awesome example to your siblings.