Roller coaster

Well, here we go again..  Its been almost 6 months since my last post, and when I read that one tonight I realized I was about to start this one out the same way, and with very close to the same message.  I'm thinking I should have named my blog My Roller Coaster Ride Called Life!  Wow...  All I can say, is that I remember the sign that Mr. Allness had posted in his history room in High School; "those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it"  Yikes, seems to be the story of my life lately.  My post 6 months ago was basically about finding the path God has laid out for me and following it.  Well, either I haven't figured it out, have wandered off course again, or just plain am ignoring him..  It's amazing how we allow all the detours in life to completely throw us off course and forget the things that are important.

It's been a whirlwind of a summer in the Driscoll household these last few months.  I will spare you all the gory details, but in short we had a wedding in Mexico that had numerous issues all the way around it, the death of a very very beloved grandmother, have chosen to keep 3 of our kids home and do charter school, and the best friends we've known for years tell us they are moving away.  All of these events have left me really questioning just about every area of my life.  I spent so much time getting caught up in the day to day events, and the negativity that I struggled to see all the positive things in all of it.  I had on ash colored glasses instead of rose.  For someone who normally tries to see the positive, its been an extreme struggle and has left me with more questions than answers.

Tonight I watched Soul Surfer with my 2 middle children and was basically a mess before it even started.  Knowing what it was about, and then even watching some of the previews for other movies just hit me to my core.  Seeing a young girl, first off even LIVE through the accident, go on to persevere through everything and still have the strength and faith to go on. "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called to his purpose".  Through her adversity, she knew that God still had a purpose for her and would somehow use her accident to reach others for Him.  Why is our first reaction to be angry and upset that we go through struggles in life?  No one ever said it would be easy.  I needed the reminder tonight that its not all about me..  Its not about any of us singly, its about all of us together realizing the good that needs to shine out from all of us, to know that even when we struggle, something good WILL come out of it.  Maybe not for us, and certainly NEVER in our timing.  Its all up to Him, the one who sees all, hears all and knows all.  Trust that he has a plan, and it will be fulfilled and thank Him for every opportunity, good or bad knowing that somehow, in some way it will work for good..

Emotions....

*sigh*.  Where to begin.  Since my first post, I have been hit with just about every emotion possible, jumbled thoughts, lying awake at night. All part of the ploy to keep me off balance..  I'm struggling with the events happening in our State right now on so many different levels.  It makes me sad, angry, hurt, disappointed; the list goes on and on.  Nobody wants to listen to anybody.  Both sides feel they are absolutely right in their thinking and can't even look at another's point of view.  The name calling, the mud slinging, the threats, its all so sad.  And all for what purpose??  At the end of our lives how are we going to be looked at for our actions?  I struggle with knowing how involved to get.  When I take my last breath and enter in to eternity I want to know that I've been a good servant, I want my days to have counted, so where does this all come in to play?  Jesus said there were times for battle and times for peace so how do you know when each time is?  I feel like yet again I'm getting caught up in the urgent instead of the important.  There are still starving children here and abroad, there are still homeless here and abroad how much does this matter??  And I know both sides will argue that it does matter.  And don't get me wrong, it IS important, but where do we draw the line?  I'm already seeing friendships hurt, lives being torn apart because of a political battle.  Is it truly worth it?

Last night while I was lying in bed reading, my mind just going nonstop thinking about it all, I came across this sentence that of course hit me right between the eyes..  "Jesus is calling us to be willing to suffer anything and forsake everything for the sake of the gospel.  His call is to love those who have cheated us in business; those who have spread nasty rumors about us; those who would kill us if they could; those who disagree with us politically, practically, and fundamentally.  His call is to consider everything a loss for His sake.  (emphasis mine)  Eeeks, love is not a feeling I've had towards most of these people right now.  How do you truly, unequivocally, love people even in times of disagreement, etc?  I'm a work in progress.  I'm truly trying.

Thankfully a few paragraphs later I was able to feel a little better.  "He typically asks us to play an active role in the journey toward wholeness.  He doesn't need our help but invites us to participate.  Often this journey to freedom takes time, sometimes a very long time.  And it takes perseverance.  It takes participation on our part.  We have to get on the treadmill and run--merely looking at the workout machine doesn't do a whole lot."  So where does this leave me/us?  I don't know.  All I know is at the end of the day I need to focus on what is truly important in my life.  I need to love everyone unconditionally even if we don't see eye to eye, and never do.  We need to get back to basics and remember that a job, a disagreement, a political decision should not affect how we treat others.  We need to be teaching our kids ALL areas of life and living. 

So, tonight, tomorrow, and in the days to come I will be doing my best to walk the path lain out for me and try to unequivocally, unconditionally and wholeheartedly love people...

First ride...

Well, here goes.  My first shot at blogging.  As I forewarned in my profile, I'm not a writer, and realize I probably never will be.  Just hoping to talk about some life events I've gone through in hopes that it can maybe be of help to someone else.  Even if for nothing more than a good laugh.

I think the main reason I've never started is fear.  The constant fear of what people might think.  The book I've been reading lately has really convicted me of this.  "A life of following Christ requires relinquishing those fears when they do come.  It means refusing to let your fears of what others think, your fears of rejection, keep you from pursuing the truth about the Holy Spirit and whatever else God is teaching you and calling you to."  I know there are several times God has called me to do something and I've ignored Him.  I don't want to do that anymore, no matter how uncomfortable that is.  I had one chance recently that I followed through with and it was an amazing feeling.  I believe this is my next step in overcoming that fear.  So many people in my life, especially those from the past probably have no idea where I stand on anything.  Sure, they know I go to  church, they know I'm 'different' (whatever that means) but I've never really stood up for what I believe and how its changed my life..  No more hiding, no more excuses.  This is me saying, God is number 1 in my life and I don't want that to ever change.  No matter the hurts I've experienced, or the ones I know are sure to come in my future, I wouldn't be able to have made it through any of them without Him.  So, whether anyone ever reads this, or any from here on out, its my step in moving on and moving forward with the life I desire.

So again, if you're interested, maybe we can enjoy the ride together and see where it takes us from here.