Emotions....

*sigh*.  Where to begin.  Since my first post, I have been hit with just about every emotion possible, jumbled thoughts, lying awake at night. All part of the ploy to keep me off balance..  I'm struggling with the events happening in our State right now on so many different levels.  It makes me sad, angry, hurt, disappointed; the list goes on and on.  Nobody wants to listen to anybody.  Both sides feel they are absolutely right in their thinking and can't even look at another's point of view.  The name calling, the mud slinging, the threats, its all so sad.  And all for what purpose??  At the end of our lives how are we going to be looked at for our actions?  I struggle with knowing how involved to get.  When I take my last breath and enter in to eternity I want to know that I've been a good servant, I want my days to have counted, so where does this all come in to play?  Jesus said there were times for battle and times for peace so how do you know when each time is?  I feel like yet again I'm getting caught up in the urgent instead of the important.  There are still starving children here and abroad, there are still homeless here and abroad how much does this matter??  And I know both sides will argue that it does matter.  And don't get me wrong, it IS important, but where do we draw the line?  I'm already seeing friendships hurt, lives being torn apart because of a political battle.  Is it truly worth it?

Last night while I was lying in bed reading, my mind just going nonstop thinking about it all, I came across this sentence that of course hit me right between the eyes..  "Jesus is calling us to be willing to suffer anything and forsake everything for the sake of the gospel.  His call is to love those who have cheated us in business; those who have spread nasty rumors about us; those who would kill us if they could; those who disagree with us politically, practically, and fundamentally.  His call is to consider everything a loss for His sake.  (emphasis mine)  Eeeks, love is not a feeling I've had towards most of these people right now.  How do you truly, unequivocally, love people even in times of disagreement, etc?  I'm a work in progress.  I'm truly trying.

Thankfully a few paragraphs later I was able to feel a little better.  "He typically asks us to play an active role in the journey toward wholeness.  He doesn't need our help but invites us to participate.  Often this journey to freedom takes time, sometimes a very long time.  And it takes perseverance.  It takes participation on our part.  We have to get on the treadmill and run--merely looking at the workout machine doesn't do a whole lot."  So where does this leave me/us?  I don't know.  All I know is at the end of the day I need to focus on what is truly important in my life.  I need to love everyone unconditionally even if we don't see eye to eye, and never do.  We need to get back to basics and remember that a job, a disagreement, a political decision should not affect how we treat others.  We need to be teaching our kids ALL areas of life and living. 

So, tonight, tomorrow, and in the days to come I will be doing my best to walk the path lain out for me and try to unequivocally, unconditionally and wholeheartedly love people...

First ride...

Well, here goes.  My first shot at blogging.  As I forewarned in my profile, I'm not a writer, and realize I probably never will be.  Just hoping to talk about some life events I've gone through in hopes that it can maybe be of help to someone else.  Even if for nothing more than a good laugh.

I think the main reason I've never started is fear.  The constant fear of what people might think.  The book I've been reading lately has really convicted me of this.  "A life of following Christ requires relinquishing those fears when they do come.  It means refusing to let your fears of what others think, your fears of rejection, keep you from pursuing the truth about the Holy Spirit and whatever else God is teaching you and calling you to."  I know there are several times God has called me to do something and I've ignored Him.  I don't want to do that anymore, no matter how uncomfortable that is.  I had one chance recently that I followed through with and it was an amazing feeling.  I believe this is my next step in overcoming that fear.  So many people in my life, especially those from the past probably have no idea where I stand on anything.  Sure, they know I go to  church, they know I'm 'different' (whatever that means) but I've never really stood up for what I believe and how its changed my life..  No more hiding, no more excuses.  This is me saying, God is number 1 in my life and I don't want that to ever change.  No matter the hurts I've experienced, or the ones I know are sure to come in my future, I wouldn't be able to have made it through any of them without Him.  So, whether anyone ever reads this, or any from here on out, its my step in moving on and moving forward with the life I desire.

So again, if you're interested, maybe we can enjoy the ride together and see where it takes us from here.